Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
