Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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