two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
