This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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