I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How does one acquire holy water?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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