My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
