you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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