Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
