Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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