Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
