I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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