today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
