I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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