WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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