be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
