Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
