Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have aggressive nipples.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
