i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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