I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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