They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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