I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
