dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
