my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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