This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
