Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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