dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
