I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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