Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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