It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
