oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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