I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
