I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
