I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
