I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
