Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
