I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
