Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
