There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
