Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
