farters have to be the big spoon...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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