we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
