he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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