I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
