theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
its liver damage thursday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
