Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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