new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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