What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Are we still banned from the library?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
