On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
