It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
