last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
