apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize